Motivation

Womanhood at 20-something

 

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I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a mentor, a mentee, employee, co-founder of a social enterprise and I also blog from time to time amongst other things. I am Rae Dosoo, a 20-something woman. But what am I outside these titles? Who am I without the things that these titles bring? If all these titles were to disappear, would I still be me without it?  Can you say who you are without referring to your titles?

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How do you find your womanhood as a 20-something juggling different ventures and hustles, discovering new paths, understanding others as well as yourself and still excepted to evolve into your roles as a woman? I know so many questions and so little answers. But that is alright, it is absolutely fine. It is okay to not know it all and have it all. I am the type of person wants to do everything and learn everything. However as much as I try to, it is not possible to do so. There is only so much you can do in 24 hours for yourself and then it gets harder once you add the titles you have. Someone I really really really admire told me that doing it all, you will crash and burn. She also told me trying to live up to the expectations of the titles you have or titles you want, you will never ever be you.  A good sister-friend of mine posted a touching instagram picture and one thing touched me that she said “…what really defines us through it all is our attitude and character”. Let who you are drive you and not the titles bestowed upon you. You are a FRIEND because you are loving, You are a BUSINESS OWNER because you are entrepreneurial, You are a MENTOR because you are caring, You are a MENTEE because you love to learn and You are an EMPLOYEE because you are hard-working. Your job can be taken away and who are you after that? Are you still the go-getter, hard working and resilient person that you once were when you had the job?  You could lose all your friends but are you going to lose all the love you have? When trying to seek who you are behind all the pomp and glitz, ask who am I truly?

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Let’s talk about expectations. There will always be an expectation with everything you do and every role you carry out. As you are x, you must do x and because you are from x you will go to x. Not every expectation that the titles bring for example being a daughter, friend, partner or a girlfriend will you fulfil every expectation that the other person in the relationship will have for you. You are bound to disappoint someone’s expectations and your very own. The person I really really really admire told me as well to take out some out for yourself, so you realise that not only can you always carry out every expectation but some roles that you carry will have to come first at times. So for example your friends and family may not see you for a while because you are busy at work or working to progress further in your career or your studies-whatever the case may be. This does not mean you are less of a daughter, less of a friend, less of a sister, less of a partner or less of a girlfriend. It just means you are prioritising. Those around will understand if you cannot be there every time for whatever reason, but you can be there in other ways. And please express this! Let your people know that you may be ‘ghosting’ or you have to take time out.  This means you are managing the expectations they have of you and your very own.

You have the power to design and choose how you wish your womanhood to be. Define your own womanhood at 20-something. You cannot let the pressures of the titles that you have given yourself or others have placed on you to forget who you really are.

I wouldn’t be me without adding a recent OOTD. Enjoy!

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Outfit Details:

Top-Marks & Spencer

Trousers- Can’t remember where they are from. Sorry

Shoes- Russell & Bromley

Jewellery- Topshop

Bag- Marks and Spencer

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Stay Blessed

x

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24 – 7 things I learnt at 23

So it is my birthday. Yes, I am 24 (woop woop!) and I have decided to share seven things I have learnt this past year as well sharing an outfit post.

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1) Stepping outside the comfort zone

The year of 23 forced me to be uncomfortable, in other words I had to step outside of my comfort zone. I usually stick to what I know for example the same old meal at Nandos-half chicken and two sides of peri peri chips with perinaise and if I am feeling cheeky a wrap instead of half chicken. As I am sure with you all, you have your routine and patterns that you stick to and find it hard to go against what you are familiar with. We find it hard because it is natural to want to have a sense of security and certainty in life. Coming out of your comfort zone opens you up to risks and the possibility of stress, so we just crawl back to the box that we feel comfortable in to avoid the fear of the unknown.  I decided in the year of 23 things have to change…Rae try something new. For some things it meant going in a whole new direction, for some changing my strategy and doing things I would not usually do. For example all of my friends know how I have a slight technology struggle (a good family friend was shocked to see me with a Samsung Galaxy S7 edge and joked that I need the good old Nokia brick phone ), so I decided to learn ways of using new technologies. Who knows I may even join snapchat in the year of 24? This is very unlikely but who knows. I even recently decided to get some colour in my hair. This is the first time ever that I have gone out of my hair comfort zone-colour 1b-and I love it. I do stray to colour 33, for the braids but only braids.  I even want to try a short dark blonde pixie cut!

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Why go out of your comfort zone?

  • Pushes you to achieve your goals-being uncomfortable forces you to step out and be brave
  • Growth– the challenges and the risks that comes with getting out of your comfort zone will stretch you and push you forward

2) I am the bomb.com

May your highlight shine bright, contour be strong and believe in your slay sis.

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Sometimes life’s difficulties makes it hard for you to believe in your accomplishments and what you have achieved. I will not lie, I am extremely tough on myself and find it hard at times to appreciate my journey. However, someone once told me that ‘there are people who love to be in your position’. I screamed ‘Me, ME, MEEEEEE’… ‘Why would anyone want to be in my position?’ Then people will remind you of what you have done, ‘You have done x, y and z’. I have learnt in the year of 23 not to wait to hear someone tell me that I am the bomb.com. Yes, I still moan and probably will for a while. It is still a learning process for me. Just last week I was having a conversation with my best friend and she told me off for it. So I took out time to write out a list of things that I am most proud of and what I love about me. One thing that struck me is that the journey I am on has made me the individual I am and the person I will continue to be and for this I appreciate it all. You cannot be the bomb.com without overcoming hurdles and challenges. Do not hate the grind, own it and appreciate it. So with this in mind, like Beyonce said ‘I see it, I want it…I dream it, I work hard, I grind till I own it…I slay, hey, I slay’.

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3) Fellowship

I am part of a fellowship where we meet once a month and discuss the word of God. What I love about our fellowship is that it easy to be open and transparent. A member of our fellowship group sent me a voicenote prayer and I was so moved by it. Fellowship is more than just a catch up over doughnuts and talking on occasion about Jesus. What I have learnt in the year of 23, is that the purpose of fellowship are one to share things together and second be there for one another spiritually and physically.

Follow Ladies who Fellowship in the City on Twitter: @LWFITC , on Instagram: @ladieswhofellowship , on Facebook: ladieswhofellowship  and website ladieswhofellowship.com/

4) Life is too short

As cliché as it sounds, it is true-life is too short. Enjoy life, buy those shoes that you have been eyeing for a while.

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5) Take time out

This is one thing that I really wanted to implement in the year of 23, to take time out for myself. Whether its reading a new book, or trying out a new restaurant it is really important to take time away from your routine.

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6) Resilience

The definitions of resilience:

1) ‘the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness’

2) ‘the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity’

Not today, Satan, not today!

One of the lessons I learnt in the year from 23, is to never let a setback to hold you for too long.

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7) God is everything

I knew this before, but he has proven it even more in the year of 23.

What I was wearing:

You all know by now, I love all things M&S-some things are really cute and not everything there is ‘granny’. You can transform a dress, or a shirt for example by the way you style it (this is a blog post for another day).

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Here are the details:

Dress: Marks and Spencer

Leather Jacket-Marks and Spencer

Corset Belt: Vintage (Have a read of a post where I was talking about corsets)

Shoes- Marks and Spencer

Earrings: Topshop

Bag: Marks and Spencer

Hair: Pride and Prestige Hair

Stay Blessed

x