I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a mentor, a mentee, employee, co-founder of a social enterprise and I also blog from time to time amongst other things. I am Rae Dosoo, a 20-something woman. But what am I outside these titles? Who am I without the things that these titles bring? If all these titles were to disappear, would I still be me without it? Can you say who you are without referring to your titles?
How do you find your womanhood as a 20-something juggling different ventures and hustles, discovering new paths, understanding others as well as yourself and still excepted to evolve into your roles as a woman? I know so many questions and so little answers. But that is alright, it is absolutely fine. It is okay to not know it all and have it all. I am the type of person wants to do everything and learn everything. However as much as I try to, it is not possible to do so. There is only so much you can do in 24 hours for yourself and then it gets harder once you add the titles you have. Someone I really really really admire told me that doing it all, you will crash and burn. She also told me trying to live up to the expectations of the titles you have or titles you want, you will never ever be you. A good sister-friend of mine posted a touching instagram picture and one thing touched me that she said “…what really defines us through it all is our attitude and character”. Let who you are drive you and not the titles bestowed upon you. You are a FRIEND because you are loving, You are a BUSINESS OWNER because you are entrepreneurial, You are a MENTOR because you are caring, You are a MENTEE because you love to learn and You are an EMPLOYEE because you are hard-working. Your job can be taken away and who are you after that? Are you still the go-getter, hard working and resilient person that you once were when you had the job? You could lose all your friends but are you going to lose all the love you have? When trying to seek who you are behind all the pomp and glitz, ask who am I truly?
Let’s talk about expectations. There will always be an expectation with everything you do and every role you carry out. As you are x, you must do x and because you are from x you will go to x. Not every expectation that the titles bring for example being a daughter, friend, partner or a girlfriend will you fulfil every expectation that the other person in the relationship will have for you. You are bound to disappoint someone’s expectations and your very own. The person I really really really admire told me as well to take out some out for yourself, so you realise that not only can you always carry out every expectation but some roles that you carry will have to come first at times. So for example your friends and family may not see you for a while because you are busy at work or working to progress further in your career or your studies-whatever the case may be. This does not mean you are less of a daughter, less of a friend, less of a sister, less of a partner or less of a girlfriend. It just means you are prioritising. Those around will understand if you cannot be there every time for whatever reason, but you can be there in other ways. And please express this! Let your people know that you may be ‘ghosting’ or you have to take time out. This means you are managing the expectations they have of you and your very own.
You have the power to design and choose how you wish your womanhood to be. Define your own womanhood at 20-something. You cannot let the pressures of the titles that you have given yourself or others have placed on you to forget who you really are.
I wouldn’t be me without adding a recent OOTD. Enjoy!
Top-Marks & Spencer
Trousers- Can’t remember where they are from. Sorry
Shoes- Russell & Bromley
Bag- Marks and Spencer